At some point...

I have always talked about being happy, true and contented of life in my blogs. But this time its different.

Suddenly, I remembered that I am human and at some point, I stumble and fall. I have felt it but time has let it fade. I have reached the point where I'm giving up on it. I guess it's enough for me to fall for someone who will never catch me.

I'm crawling and leaning to love. The irony of life is that some stories don't end up the way we want it to be. We smile but inside there is pain and that emptiness that is just the hardest to fill. 

Being away from the reality of life, I have come to realize that it will never be for me. And that time wouldn't today allow for me to have this feeling. I will be waiting and working for it. But not now.

I guess not now. 

I said what was needed to be said and I'm giving up. 

You were the person that somehow made my feel special and I thought this was it. But now, I'm saying goodbye. 

Someone will come.

I'm sure someone is out there to make me smile again. 

I'm giving up and I'm sorry if I can't get on to you. 

-dontioh

We are stronger than this. #PrayForThePhilippines

When I heard that the strongest storm was going to hit the Philippines, I was ambivalent. I know that it would be great of a disaster but at the same time hopeful that it will not crush the Filipino Spirit.

Living away from the country and reading news online, I was devastated and was nervous of the real aftermath of Tropical Typhoon Yolanda (International Name: Haiyan) to the islands that it landed on. From the scale of the typhoon to the strength that it brought, I expected the worst. I am not a pessimist but this time, I was sure that everything will be chaotic.

Saturday after the storm made its destruction, I stopped myself from viewing videos and pictures of its aftermath. It was just too painful and horrible. I only read articles and listened to its description from other people that know about it. I can never imagine myself being in the shoes of those who were victims of this calamity. And to top the anxiety, international news networks added to my fear that this was gonna be one BIG SCOOP. 

At first I thought that the government was not doing anything; that they were not prepared; that corruption and selfishness centered the hearts of the people that lead the country. I was mad and in disbelief of the things that were happening. People were living it huts, open tents, sleeping on the streets under the rain and were hungry. Bodies were just everywhere and to add to that, no rescue plan was finalized. I mean, with the information that we have from all the other weather experts around the world, we could have prepared for the worst. I guess too much optimism does not change the fact that shit happens. And this time, (trust me) SHIT was all over the place. 

With the destruction that the cities and provinces suffered, foreign nations unite to help the Filipinos in this battle. Donations, services, relief operations and financial support flooded all over the news just for the country to stand up and live again. For me, this means more than a lifetime to be thankful for. The world lit candles for the Philippines and for the Filipinos. We were one in helping each other. Filipinos from neighboring provinces, cities and all over the world organized groups to ask for goods, financial support and help to the people who were affected of this disaster. 

Then the international media visited to see what was really going on and they did not expect what they saw. Aside form the lack of communication, electricity, potable water, food and proper disaster handling system, they felt that everything was in slow motion. They were looking for the Government. Where were they? Were they doing something about this? Do they even know that this is happening?

Basing on Mr. Cooper's (CNN Reporter) coverage, I think that this was not handled well. The "preparation" that the government made was washed out and everything was just chaotic. People were displaced, children were hungry, sick people were taken for granted, dead bodies were just scattered. It was a place no one would like to stay. Everything was "miserable".

And now for another highlight, people are asking: Who is to blame?

SERIOUSLY? 

This is not the time to point fingers and it will never be right. It is a waste of time and a waste of energy. Let us now focus on what we can do to help the victims stand up and live again. Let us study what we should be doing in the future and learn from all of this. Let us also put into mind that we should be bringing up the morale of the Filipinos all over the world by supporting and thanking those who were making a move for HELP. Let us not spread and talk about bad stuff because it will never help the situation. Let us use Social Media to look for connections and arrange relief services and help. This should be our focus. This should be the root of the things that we will be doing after the storm. This should be our inspiration. 

To the government and to the president of the Philippines:

I understand that this situation was unexpected and everyone was caught off guard. I also acknowledge the fact that you have done your part in alarming the citizenry of the damage this disaster could bring. Now that this has happen, I would like to ask for you to double your time and do everything to assist all victims. There is no time to blame people and there is no time to review the HIERARCHY of the government. They are all victims now and are looking for help. They are hungry, sick and loosing hope. 

I would also like you to consider being transparent of all the donations being given. I am positive that this will reach all the victims in time and you will be able to correct what needs to be corrected. I am asking that all government agencies to be on RED ALERT to assist anyone who wants to help, who wants to give help and who wants to be part of the services that would assist the victims. People are giving their time to help and I pray that everyone in the government would consider this wanting. 

I am also sorry for the weight that the "bashers' put on your shoulder. They are stressed and do not know what is happening. I know that they are smart and opinionated people and I believe that we should hear what they have to say. But for the mean time, I pray that you focus on the good stuff and not feel all the pressure of negative statements. I apologize for all the people who have belittled you and went overboard just to criticize everything that is happening. 

I know that you can do better and with the help of everyone around the world, I know you can do it.

To the negative audience all around the world: 

You are given your right to say your opinion about all that is happening but until you move and act for someone, it can never make a difference. Actions speak louder than words and trust me that bad actions would never make a difference. I understand that there are lapses and delays, but we cannot blame people now. Everyone was caught off guard. No one can be sane in a time where everything is ruined. No one can think straight right after being hit in the head by a fast flying ball. They are just human, and so are you. Now focus on what we can do. Spread suggestions on what to do to prevent this in the future . Use the energy for research and studies that help people. Refocus and start pushing the ball to roll towards the right direction. 

This is the time to use our intelligence wisely. This is the time to spread the right words, statements and pictures all over the social network. Let us be a beam of sunlight to the victims who lost loved ones and things that they worked hard for. Let us become an inspiration to one another and bring up the spirits of everyone affected by this disaster. 

Let us be a blessing to others. 

To the people doing their best to HELP:

No words can describe the act you are doing. You have dedicated your time, expertise, money and focus for those in need.  A never ending THANK YOU will be forever in our hearts. You are heroes and you deserve a place in heaven. You went out of your way from being normal citizens to becoming someone else's beacon of hope. 

Thank you very much for all the effort you have put in packing relief materials; for asking financial support from others; for being the ears, hands, arms and eyes of those who are injured; for being the protectors of those being treated unfairly; and for being the one who was there when the victims needed someone to live again. 

Thank you and I know that everyone else who were touched by your act will surely pay it forward. 

To the victims of this disaster:

You are not alone in this situation. You are blessed to have this life after that horrible experience. You should not blame yourself for the lives that were lost. It is hard to stand up again but there is no way but up. Life goes on and many are behind you to start anew. This is not the end of your dreams and aspirations. In fact, this is a new beginning for everyone. As cliche' as it sounds, there is always a rainbow after each storm.  It does not end here. 

Help is coming from all over the world and you need not to loose hope. WE are behind you all the way and there is no need to stop life here. We will never abandon those who need help and I am sure you will do the same to those who are with you in this situation. Never forget to look up and say "thank you" for each and every blessing that you receive. Also, ask for guidance, patience and protection from the ALMIGHTY. We are not alone; HE IS WITH US.

-end-

#PrayForThePhilippines 

#Yolanda

#Haiyan

I'm human again...

With the past relationships I had, I can say that at some point I was hurt in a sense that it made me stop feeling the feeling of being loved. Instead, it made me numb inside and didn't entertain the total feeling of "jumping" off the cliff (a.k.a. going in a relationship). It didn't bother me at all to know that my friends are tying the knot, going into a new life with someone new, and or just saying how happy they are in what they have now. I am happy for them and hoped for the best to all of them.

Suddenly, I felt this emptiness inside. The small gap between happiness and sadness that really makes a difference glistened and caught my attention. It made me realize that I was alone. Yes, I have friends and a great family behind me but still that small gap could tell that the picture is still not complete. It lacked a small piece; a small detail that can make a real difference of a picture of me that's smiling from the heart. 

Looking back, I closed this door. My heart was tired and hurt enough to feel that "kilig" moment. It reached its limit to understanding and giving the so called "benefit of the doubt". I was bitter, sour, angry and cold all at the same time. I was making myself as solid as an ice sculpture. Transparent, unique yet cold and fragile. Encountered people yet decided to place a bar between the idea of settling down and just playing around. Like I said, I was really numb.

That numbness reached to the point that I was brushing off people that really cared about me. I was neglecting them because I focused too much on myself. I was being the selfish nut that wanted everything to himself. I never entertained the feeling of being someone else's reason to smile. I looked at it as impossible for me. But then, I realized that I was wrong. 

"When I got to know you, it wasn't something special. You treated me like a good friend and I reciprocated with respect and mature understanding. You never judged me for the things I did and have always listened to all the dramas I have. You asked me for advice and shared the blessings you have with me. You were there when others were not for me and I have come to notice that you are someone special and you ought to know this."

These words were always playing in my mind during the times when we were together and I never thought that I would be writing about it here on my blog. I guess it's about time for me to face the music and say what I really feel. To stop pretending and be real; it's time for me to become human again.

I have done something stupid and I am really sorry for that. I can't blame you for reacting that way because what I did was plain stupid. I know I could have done better and I ask for you to give me a chance. Those moments were special to me. The warmth, the patience and the silence was just memorable and unforgettable. I hope it was the same for you. 

You asked me to consider to open the door again. And now, I am opening it. 

Thank you very much because you were there to make me realize what I was missing in my life. 

I wish you can read this with all heart.

Here goes my "YAKAP" to you. 

I am just here. :) Thank you and I'm sorry. 

LAMON TIME: KimChikin (Dubai BonChon)

A few days ago, a friend of mine decided to go on food tripping and asked me where good food can be found in my area. Automatically, I said "KIMCHIKIN!" and yes, we ended the night with a smile!

If you feel like going all K-POP and modern day Korean...

THIS IS THE PLACE TO BE!!!

KimChikin Chicken Bonchon Dubai, UAE

Kung sa Pinas may Bonchon, dito sa Dubai meron kaming KimChikin na singsarap talaga! The store is located near Park Regis Hotel, opposite Spinneys and McDonalds which is near Burjuman Center. Kung mahirap hanapin, gamitin nyo nalang ang Park Regis Hotel or CLUB 7 as landmark(sikat kasi sa mga Kabayan ang Club na iyan).  Ilang meters away from Park Regis lang and you will find this really amazing place. Kung magme-metro kayo, you can disembark at Burjuman Station, go to Exit 2 and maglakad papunta sa Park Regis. Take note: it is before the hotel so be mindful (baka kasi lumampas kayo eh). Para sa maps, its along D88 Street.

It's not hard to locate because the restaurant is well lit and has colorful "post-it" notes on its walls! YES!-Post-it notes sa dingding mismo ng kainan! This really modern and smart gimik makes the restaurant more interesting lalo na for this generation na mahilig mag-social network and or course, take pictures. 

ANG POSTE NG MGA MAHIHILIG KUMAIN! choz!

STANDEE DIN KAPAG MAY TIME! :)

This is not my first time going here. As you can see, I have my name on the wall already! Yehey!

FREEDOM WALL? Get to see what people think about this place in each note stuck on the wall! You can even post your own note too! This is one gimik you should not miss!

Kimchikin's great and very interesting wall.

The place is really cozy and modern. Although di talaga siya same sa ilang fine dinning restaurants, the place is like fast food chenelyn and mala-JOLLIBEE ang peg. So, keri na yan. For me kasi, ilang percentage lang ang naco-cover ng place at ambiance kasi importante pa rin ang taste ng food (KAYA NGA FOOD BLOG-duh?!). :) 

Infairness sa service crew, masaya and very warm sila!
This is one of the reasons why people keep coming back for more!

The food is just..UGH!---DELICIOUS!

The house specialty chicken (either Soy or Spicy) is just M-A-S-A-R-A-P! Plus the side dishes which is based from traditional Korean food makes the meal soooo complete. Heto pa ang good news: THEY HAVE RICE! Alam ko kasing yan ang hanap ng mga Kabayan sa restaurant kung kahit saan man. Kaya this is very good news na meron silang rice!

Sa Korean dinning, DAPAT nanjan ang KIMCHI! Ito ang nagpapasarap sa lahat eh!

Meron din silang Kimchi Coleslaw which is also yummy and spicy.

Ito yung SOY CHICKEN nila! Its Crispy on the outside and very juicy in the inside! <3 td="" this="">

They also serve noodles and other Korean Dishes with twists. 

Ito naman yung Beef Bulgogi Rice nila na masarap din.

As for the price, sakto lang naman siya sa okasyon. It is reasonable and trust me, mabubusog ka talaga sa food nila.

While waiting for your order, bongga ang activities na pwede gawin!

One: pwede kayong manood ng Korean concerts sa TV nila. Full production numbers talaga and the hosts have chenelyn sa mga microphones nila! Bongga talaga!

Two: pwde kayong manghingi ng post-it notes and manghiram ng coloring materials! Dito pwede ninyo ilabas ang creativity nyo na walang makiki-alam! Pagandahan talaga ang activity na ito na pwede ninyong ipagyabang sa susunod na balik ninyo!

Try nyo nga hanapin to sa boung store! GO NA! :) 

The Awesome Threesome na nakaubos na maraming pagkain nung gabing yun!
Thanks Ron and Ate Joyce! :) 

So, sana you would visit the place and have some good chicken! :) 

Overall, heto ang score nila sa akin (0-5 scoring):

Place:   4
Price:    3
Food:    4

TOTAL AVERAGE: 3.67 :) 

GO AND TRY IT YOURSELF GUYS and ENJOY!

What sucks?

i woke up today feeling extremely ambivalent and all i was thinking of is that "my life sucks". From the moment i thought i have a good social atmosphere, everything falls into pieces like a ceramic tea pot which doesn't actually make a good connection but i thought if putting it in anyway.  

Back in high school during my senior year, my classmates connived and placed me in the "funny chair" for weeks. I didn't know it until it was time for our Christmas Party. Up to this day, I still don't know why they did that to me. I know i was sincere and I was true to being friends with them but everything was just a show to them. I really don't think about it much it somehow that certain part of my life is just a gap that connects my childhood and adolescent stage. 

Relating to the present, I think I was a victim of bullying. And even if I think I survived it, the gap still is empty. You know that feeling when you think you have matured but you still don't feel like one. I mean, I'm 25 but I still think about kid stuff. I know it's right to get connected with your inner child but i feel helpless. 

My friends say that I'm strong and I find it flattering for people to describe me as one. But for me, being strong is a double edged knife: it seems to repel everything. And being strong SUCKS. 

When you are strong, people don't get to ask you for things you can't do easily. 
When you are strong, you don't please people to the extent that you sacrifice yourself and what you want. 
When you are strong, you don't feel pissed off at things that you don't have control in. 
When you are strong, you don't feel alone.
When you are strong, you don't smile and feel as if you are not hurt.
When you are strong, you feel nothing will ever bring you down.
When you are strong, you will always follow what your heart and mind tells you.
When you are strong, you will never make blogs like this that spread all the shit you feel inside because it doesn't make sense at all.


It sucks being strong. 

Current Issues that makes me think: #PDAF #Porkbarrel #Napoles #Philippines #Pnoy

All right, let me get these things straight.

I am 25 years old and is currently working in Dubai, UAE. I guess it is right to say that I am an OFW who at the moment sends money to my family back in the Philippines. For the record, I am not the only Pinoy here in Dubai. When I say OFW I am sure that each company, restaurant, health care institution or simply, the working force is represented by a good number of Filipinos. Yes; Filipinos have been part of the world's work force for a good time now and apparently our home country has been bombarded of issues that currently made us OFWs think. 

What is this all about?!

Corruption has always been there since the beginning of civilization. Thus it is included in the English dictionary. Filipinos are not new to this so called corruption specially in the government which for the record, made a mark in Asian history for our People Power March back in the day. But then again, history repeats itself. So sad to hear that the Philippine government has been stained by this idea of corrupt officials and I guess has been convinced that it will never be cleaned--EVER! 

The issues regarding the PDAF and the unregistered NGOs of a certain Mrs. Napoles who benefited from millions and millions of the citizens' money came up just about months ago and made the world focus on the current administration. Being active in some social networking sites, I saw a picture of the Philippine Congress as a cover of a certain business magazine with a caption that says something about the "congress as the country's biggest syndicate". I don't know if it was legit but a though came to my mind: "What were they doing?!".

People organized rallies and protests against this obviously wrong act but then again, not everyone in the said rally was knowledgeable enough about what they were fighting for. I guess some of them was just playing "I don't know what shit you did but it's not right!-thing" in the streets. Some were even demanding for the government to return their honestly paid taxes but  have been unemployed since forever. --- SERIOUSLY?! 

And again another thought comes to mind: "What are you trying to do?!".

We have been known to be one the world's greatest supporters of democracy and equality. But ironically, we have been thinking this way to save our own asses. Now, the support is like a boomerang that hits us in the head -- bulls-eye! I am not knowledgeable of the Philippine Economics and how it works. Damn, I don't have an idea of how DIRTY politics works in the country. But one thing is sure, I know what to do with my actions when I want to improve my life. 

We have a young population that is bullied by the thought of tenure, experience and qualifications just to have work in our own country. Which I think is bullshit because this kind of thinking is not reliable if we want progress. Of course, progress depends on our educational system as well as all the other facets that makes our government work. Which boils down to the corrupt officials that take away what we deserve as a citizen. 

Harsh as it may sound, we are going around in circles and down to the drain together with our TRAPO (Traditional Politician) officials who doesn't know the difference between evil and good. God knows if they even fear about what's gonna happen to them when the bitch called "Karma" crosses with their lives. 

Our country is struggling for honesty and transparency as well justice and fair democracy. I'm praying for this time to come soon. And I am DAMN SERIOUS when I say that we DESERVE THIS specially from our government. :) 

SUPER THANK YOU! :) -donitohrn

CONGRATULATIONS TO ME! :)

700 VIEWS?! SAY WHAAT?!

Thank you so much guys for the support and the love! It's coming really soon! Hold on to your seats because soon I will release my first ever documentary about our life as an OFW here in Dubai!

Don't forget to continue to share the love and share my channel to your friends and family, specially to those who have someone working as in OFW! :)

God bless is all! :)

http://www.youtube.com/user/donitohRN - Youtube

https://www.facebook.com/Donitohrn - Facebook

Here is my FACEBOOK Account!

Here is Youtube Account!

Taking care of LIONS (Taurus-Leo Friendship)

Growing up, we had different pets. We had a dog, a cat, some fishes, a bird and a few worms (Superworms that eat a lot!). Most of these animals were taken care of my sister or my dad. I guess i wasn't made up to take care of animals in a sense that is like family. But don't get me wrong, I love animals! I like going on trips to the ZOO and watching Animal Planet. I think all animals are interesting and play a vital part of our lives. 

Going back to me as a pet owner, the fishes were the ones that I took care of. I feed them, clean the tank, change the water and basically, look at them as they swim and swim. My mom played a good part of financial support during this time. I mentioned that we owned a cat. Well, we had cats in some certain years of our youth but I'm not really a cat-person. My sister was the cat-person in the family and she took care of it like babies. 

Cats are graceful creatures. Although they are moody, they bring joy to some. 

Lions are members of the cat family. Known as the "Kings of the Jungle", lions are considered one of the scariest preys and part of Africa's BIG 5. They are so magnificent that Disney made a movie about them titled "The Lion King" back in the 90's. As a kid, I loved that movie. I guess until now, I still have the liking of watching the movie. 

Lions are good leaders, hunters and providers. They also are territorial and are experts in hunting. 

I have seen a good number of videos that feature these magnificent creatures but I still need to learn more about them. 

We humans also have our Lion-like characters. I know some people who are like lions in their ways. Some even feed like lions! But kidding aside, it's not easy taking care of these lion people. I think that taking care of a lion is a hard job; taking care of 2 is a total risk. 

I was born under the star sign Taurus which makes me have a Bull-like character. Sensitive, short tempered and really (i mean REALLY!) stubborn. I think all these would best describe me as a person specially now that I have matured at my age of 25. 

It is weird because it has come to my attention that most people that are close to me are born under the star sign Leo. And I looked this up in the internet and found this:

Friendship Compatibility For Leo And Taurus

Leo

Taurus

A friendship between a Taurus and a Leo is one of mutual respect and a mutual liking of each other’s company. They recognize each other’s wants and desires very well. Taurus adore being treated with love and care, and Leo adore being looked up to and admired. They are both fiercely faithful and often possessive of each other. Their desires coincide with one another so well that either partner could give the other what he or she wants.

Taurus and Leo love lavishness and comfort, often on an extravagant measure. They both enjoy wealth and social status. Leo tend to be flashy and impressive, the very embodiment of lofty standing and opulence; and Taurus admire Leo all the more for that. Both star signs possess a resolute character. They need to understand and accept each other.
Taurus is ruled by the planet Venus, and Leo is ruled by the Sun. The Sun represents ego or self, and it radiates heat and light. Consequently, Leo emit this kind of power and liveliness. Venus is about beauty, love, and opulence. The impressive blend of masculine and feminine energy is the reason for Leo and Taurus admiring and adoring each other so much. Venus never moves farther than 48 degrees from the Sun; the two celestial bodies, one depicting life and the other depicting love, are never too far from each other. As long as Taurus and Leo realize each other’s feelings and desires, they always produce a constructive combination.

Taurus is an earth sign, and Leo is a fire sign. Both signs are ambitious, but in their own ways. The lion goes for wealth and eminence, while the bull strives for stability and protection. Both signs seek to be the leader, and disagree a lot over this matter. Convincing each other of the importance of their friendship is the best way to solve the problems.

Taurus and Leo are fixed signs. Both Taurus and Leo are unrelenting in their judgments and move forward tirelessly towards their goals. Any schemes that they have formed would be carried out to the end. Neither sign loves change, and both prefer a constant even environment around them. When they find that their friendship is genuine, they dedicate themselves to its preservation. However, their diverse characters might cause them to argue constantly. Taurus never give in as they don’t like anyone dictating them, and Leo might construe this as obstinacy. Although Taurus are equally determined as Leo, they might give in to avoid a full fledged conflict when it seems imminent.

The best aspect of a relationship between a Taurus and a Leo is the respect and regard they have for each other. Both star signs have an intense strength of character, and neither one could dominate the other, even though it wouldn’t be for want of trying. These are two very compatible signs, and their dedication to fulfil their plans makes them a great team.

source: http://astrobix.com/friendship/friendcompat/leo/taurus

My friendship with these people is amazing. I get to do things that I don't normally do and these moments are milestones to me. But at some point, it's hard to take care of a lion let alone 2. It take s a great toll on my emotions but I'm still holding on. 

Decisions - Decisions - Decisions

We all have baggage and issues that make us creatures that need support from one another. The daily task of greeting each morning with a smile is a task that not most of us can do. However, there are others that make these baggage and issues an anchor in decision making. Whether it be right or wrong, these decisions would make them stick with reality. On the other side of this reality, others still prefer to live in a fantasy world just to make them smile in facing each new day. 

As each day would pass, we become either the boss or slave of our decisions. They are essential on how we manage ourselves, our relationship with others, our family and with the rest of the world. Human as we are, we can never be content of what we have or achieve. This continuing journey of ours is also a factor of how things would go for us. It affects our decisions and in turn, affects our lives. 

At any stage of life, we encounter people that we make decisions with. Family, friends, loved ones, strangers or even the Sales Assistant in your favorite shop helps us with making decisions. These are people we tend to grow mature with. They make us see the things that we don't and they influence us with the decisions that we make. They become part of our lives without any doubt. But it is also a known fact that not all we meet in life would make us look back and smile. There are characters in our life's story that would make us cry; make us think and force us to move on from hurting things that they caused us. These people are just as important as those who made a good ripple in our lives. They can either make us or break us. 

There are also points in our lives that we crave to be the center of the story. It is normal for us to want to have the spot light. It is basically a sign or a proof of our social existence. With this wanting, we base our decisions on our life's plans and how things are going on.  We make our story and basically, we need to star in our own creation of life's journey. It is a choice if we want to be the protagonist or the antagonist. We are our own writer, director and actor. Having the spotlight would mean a lot in sharing or writing our life's story. 

Deciding is a crucial moment in life. It directs us in the course of action or the length of travel we have in life. It is a continuing battle of good and bad; short term or long term. It is that moment when we listen to ourselves and move on. There is no turning back. We can never change what is done but we can change what will happen basing on what has been done.  

it's not about that

One of the hardest thing a friend can do is to listen. A simple thing to do but needs all sincerity and time. The down side, all the stories might be too much to handle and not everyone can handle it with grace and much restrain. Others just explode into emotions and do crazy stuff. There is nothing wrong with it; we are human. But the question is: Is it right to feel full and explode?!

Days after I decided to introduce my friends to each other, things became all soggy and cloudy. Moments with them became awkward and that I didn't understand. The plan was for them to spend time with each other. They jelled well and I was happy about it. But at some point they wanted more. They wanted to be intimate. 

They needed it and this was decided by adults; consenting adults. 

A week has passed and suddenly things have changed. I never felt stupid all my life with this decision which made me uneasy and sleepless. It's not about the intimacy. It's not about the awkwardness. It's about me making the decision to have the idea. It was selfish and stupid of me. Just for me to have friends I would do it. It is just stupid.  I have made crazy decisions in life but this was by far tops my list. 

I see the picture as a stained work of art. I made the work of art but I was the one who stained it.  

Three phrases for my mom.

I already made a blog last year about one of the greatest woman in my life, my Mama. It was more of a story of how things go for the both of us given that I was her only son and the middle child (and yes, the "middle child thing" applies for me). 

One year has passed and at some point I have lost the felling of messaging her on a daily basis. There is no problem on how I can contact her because internet is always there (and take note: I would die if the internet was gone). The only bump is that, I don't want to think about it that much. I guess messaging her everyday would lead me to missing her more and more. It's not that I don't like missing her (because I REALLY MISS HER), it's just taking a lot of space in my mind and I'm sure she gets what I mean. 

A few weeks ago, I decided to message her on a random day. I felt like saying something sweet to her that time. She was online on Facebook and sent her a simple short message:

"Hello mama! I miss you! :)"

After a few seconds she replied with this message:

"I also miss you so much! Not just just you but also your sister!"

Then, I replied with:

"JOKE! :P "

And the conversation turned into laughter.

Little did I know that those giggles in our chat script hid the tears she shed for missing both of us so much. While we were chatting, she confessed that she was laughing with tears for missing us and it made me all mushy inside. I even posted it as a status on Facebook and of course, my friends and family who knew what my mom and I have in a mom-son relationship liked it.

I don't want to make this long because for sure, she will be so bored reading this (I'm only joking Mama!). 

So here goes the three phrases for My Mama.

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"I'm sorry"

You said that while I was a child, never had a huge problem with me. I was obedient and basically just follows what you tell me to do(I was a robot I guess). 

Growing up, I changed and I am sure that I have brought you disappointments and heartaches. I know that my reasoning have hurt you a lot of times and I am very sorry for all those things I have done and words I have said to hurt you. I also want you to know that every time you cry in front of me for the things I did, it makes me an insomniac. I can't sleep thinking that I made you cry (I also hope that you will not use this to always make me give in to your request - LOL).

At the moment Mama, there are many things that I really want to tell you and I want to say sorry for not talking to you about it. I guess I just want to have time for myself here in Dubai and spend it with Ate Joyce.

Mama, please forgive me for everything that I have done that made you cry. I am sorry. 

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"Thank you"

I have said in my previous blog that you have done and sacrificed a lot of things for us. You have made us feel that everything was okey even if it wasn't and showed us how to be resilient in times of trouble. You have made us into God-fearing and Law abiding citizens with your actions and people see this in us. You have created a person in us that is strong and mushy all at the same time. You have turned us into the perfect chocolate chip-oatmeal cookies! Crunchy in the outside, moist in the inside! 

Thank you for making us realize what blessings we have and what we can do to share it with everyone. You may not be verbally supportive of the things I did but I'm sure that inside, you are always making a silent prayer for me.

For all the things you taught us, showed us, made us feel, sacrificed, gave us, cooked for us, loving us, taking care of us, and giving life to the three of us - I am very thankful. These words are merely understatements of how thankful I am for having you as my Mama and I am sure that these things will continue as I live in this world. 

Thank you very much.

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"I love you"

With all the challenges, short-comings and happy moments we have been through, I am sure that the last phrase won't be enough to seal all this. Given a chance to be there just for this day and spend it with you while watching TV in our living room, I would grab it for anything in the world. 

Mama, the distance between us made me realize that I am strong and weak all at the same time. But your love for me made me grounded and secured me that all the things I have done was because of the values you taught me. 

I remember back in college when I was about to have my In-house review. I sent you a text message saying that we were already on the way to the retreat house and were passing through our area. In the text, I said "I love you" just to make it sweet. but you replied with "Okey! Take care!"

I guess I told you that I was so pissed off that you didn't say "I love you" back. I even replied asking if you read the "I love you" part of the message and made sure that I was not your "barkada" but your SON. Every time I share this with my friends, they laugh and imagine how you would smile and smirk at the "boo-boo" you made in sending your reply. just for the record, you replied like this: "Ahw! - hehe. love you too!" 

Mama, I hope you know how much I love you. Not just me but also Ate Joyce and Carmie. We would do everything and anything in our capacity just to make sure you have that warm smile in your face always and laugh your heart out in our crazy moments. Like I said, these words are not enough to tell you how much I love you but I know inside, you feel all the love from me and Ate Joyce even with our distance. 

Happy Mother's Day Mama Alma! 

xoxo

#REPOST - Alone

Just today, a friend talked to me about the pains and hurts of being in a relationship - or the same sort. Like the same story, things did not end or go the way people would expect it to be. I scanned my posts and saw this post i made years before. Now, I decided to re-post it and share the same story that i made years back. 

In this life, we all have moments where we all become a different person from all the inspiration we get in being in a relationship. But then again, not all stories end up with a smile. It could be that a smile can be shown but only the the heart can tell what that smile would really mean. 

REPOST

“So, this is it then? I mean, there’s no turning back at this right? ”, he asked.

“Yes”, I answered.

“Well, it’s gonna be hard for the both of us but I will try my best to absorb it. Will you be all right?”

I nodded.

“I hope so.”

These were the words that ended our relationship. It wasn’t just me or him. It was decided by both. It was a decision that made me realize one thing: we were not anymore happy with each other. It was a relationship built on mutual decisions and I couldn’t believe that it ended the same way.

All relationships have bad times but I never thought that we would end it as painfully as this. No tears but just words during the break-up. I have seen sad endings in movies but I never imagined mine to be this tragic. Nobody died but it seemed to me that the end was like death to the both of us. It was the end. We were not together anymore.

I told him that I will be alright after the break-up. I tried my best but everything I thought about was what we had before. All the smiles, hugs, feeling of happiness and the kisses that sealed them all; they killed me like how each knife would pierce an apple. It was the pain that I never imagined to suffer at the end of all things. I cried but I never felt better with each tear that fell from my eyes. The sadness absorbed me as a whole and I was in mourning with what I lost: a relationship that I thought would last forever in the arms of each other.

As I wake up each morning, I would check my mobile phone. I would never say it but I would always hope that he would send me a message to check if I’m ok; if I was doing fine after what had happen. I would remember the days that my inbox would be filled by messages from him and how I would save them to make me smile as I read along the messages late at night.

I would anticipate each call would be from him to talk to me and convince me to reconsider the decision that I made about the break-up. How I reacted with each ring my mobile phone gives as the call goes on. The song that made me excited as the call progresses and how I would answer each call with a smile: a sweet smile that was real and true. It was from love and I couldn’t believe that all of these were gone with just one nod I made.

Nothing – this is what I see every morning as I check my mobile phone. It made me cry but not as painful as before. Each morning made me realize that the days of sweet smiles were gone. I was alone and the relationship was over. It was a decision made by the both of us.

I continue to live my life was what my friends would tell me. I partied, drank and went out. But as the noise and the crowd disappeared, the sadness consumes me secretly. I want to cry but I just can’t. My tears ran dry and I couldn’t cry anymore. It was something that I knew would just hurt me more. The pain I get from one nod was something I dreaded from the day I made the decision. It really was painful.

School was the same for me and I never heard from him again. Then I just got word that he was dating someone already. I didn’t give a reaction because it has been months that I haven’t heard news about him. I never imagined that the pain drilled into me secretly and I was collapsing from the inside. I wanted to scream but I never could. Each smile that I would imagine from him before was for another girl now. How the pain doubled, tripled even after what I have heard and imagined. I was in pain and nobody knew.

I pretended to be cool; to be ok; to act as if I have moved on from the relationship I was in before. Like what I said, I pretended. It was a huge stage play for me to pretend that everything was ok for me. That I smiled the sweet smile I gave before and laughed as if I was never hurt from everything that happened. I pretended until I realized that I was only fooling myself. I cried again in silence but I never felt better.

I wished that I could turn back time or he would bump his head and come look for me to be with him again. It was all I hoped for but didn’t come.

Now this is what I would say to myself,

“Never mind, I’ll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you too! Don’t forget me, this I would beg. But I’ll remember what you said that sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.”

all that sober feeling

We all want to find someone in our lives that would give us meaning and happiness. Someone that would be there in moments when no one was there and yet we would need someone to be by your side. That moment when everyone else is not there for you and only that person feels your need to be embraced with love and support. 

At some point of our lives, we have felt this kind of feeling when we thought this person was IT. 

"This person fits all that I am looking for in a life-partner."

We would be too modest that we prefer not to talk about it with our friends but deep inside all those epileptic moments charge like Romans on chariots. One would find yourself smiling in one corner of the room while you remember the last conversation you had with this person. You would look at yourself in the mirror and notice all the wonderful aura this feeling has given you. From the child-like sleep you have had for the past days to the glowing aura as exhibited by smiles and all that positive attitude. 

Everything seems to be lighter, brighter and happier with that person on your mind. 

Then suddenly, earthquakes come and would shake what you thought was perfect. All you had in your mind become blurry and uncertain. You suddenly become cold as you sit alone and think about the unfortunate future you thought to be. Everything became nothing. 

Nothing.

The picture becomes stained with lines and shapes that was't there. The earthquake shook the wall, made the picture fall on the ground and was pierced with an arrow that was not known. All of a sudden, you would feel pathetic and like garbage. You felt that what you thought was grand but then again, nothing escapes the wrath of an earthquake. Now you see yourself dusted with the ruble that collapsed from the unexpected tremor.

Helpless. 

Now, your friends would ask of what happen but then all the pride would fill you up in the inside and you would try your best to brush it off with teary eyes. Ironically, you are now hiding all the bad stuff. All the feelings of happiness you had inside became too dull and too dark that the color wheel won't have any definition of the shade it had. Everything was just ...just.... nothing. 

How would you feel?!

Do not expect?!

Have you talked to your heart before? 

Was it even helpful? 

It talked back right?

Now, all that sober feeling was just fucked up feelings of loneliness which in turn became expectations from people who you thought was different. Expectations of happiness that turned into sharp daggers that hurt you not from behind but right in your face. #FML

Malls of Dubai - BurJuman Center

 A few weeks ago, a friend of mine and i decided to make a colab-video of the different malls in  Dubai. We thought that it would be a great idea for people to see the malls in a visitor's point of view and of course, on what fun a Filipino can experience. 

After a couple of days of planning and drafting, we finally made the first mini-video tour of the first mall: BurJuman Center.

Located at the heart of old business center in Bur Dubai, BurJuman Center presents itself with extravagance and luxury. Opened in 1991, the mall has over 800,000 sq. ft. area for retail shopping. The said mall is being maintained and managed by Al Ghurair Group and is the first mall ever to bring the luxury brands in the middle east. 

Locating the Mall:

It is easy to locate the mall specially when you go aboard the Dubai Metro. The station itself is named BurJuman so it will not be much of a problem locating it. As soon as you get to the station, just go out of Exit 1 and you will find the BurJuman Center. 

Food:

BurJuman offers a good choice of restaurants and also provides a food court for those who want fast food. The mall also made a luxurious restaurant area for an incredible dining experience in the middle of water features and glass ceilings. 

For Filipino foodies, BurJuman Center also is home to Barrio Fiesta. They serve Filipino cuisine with an ambiance straight from the Philippines. The only difference is that since it is located in a Muslim cultured country, the restaurants don't serve and cook pork in the menu. 

Shopping:

Living up to its name, BurJuman provides shoppers with a luxurious shopping experience with famous brands all under one roof. From designer luxury bags to clothes, a fashionable shopper can complete a wardrobe from head to foot. 

Hermes, LV, Chanel, Dolce and Gabbana, Versace, Balmain, Cartier, Tods, Ralph Lauren, Rolex are just few of the many big names the mall can offer. 

Ambiance:

The mall is a center for luxury shopping. With this, the mall provides an elegant and calming ambiance from the hallways up to the washrooms. With intricate architecture and design, the mall lives up to its specialty: LUXURY.

Fearless Mall Rating: scoring - 1-10

Given that the mall is under renovation at the moment, I will give it a reasonable 6.

Just view the video below and don't forget to Subscribe! 

XOXO

-donitoh