all that sober feeling

We all want to find someone in our lives that would give us meaning and happiness. Someone that would be there in moments when no one was there and yet we would need someone to be by your side. That moment when everyone else is not there for you and only that person feels your need to be embraced with love and support. 

At some point of our lives, we have felt this kind of feeling when we thought this person was IT. 

"This person fits all that I am looking for in a life-partner."

We would be too modest that we prefer not to talk about it with our friends but deep inside all those epileptic moments charge like Romans on chariots. One would find yourself smiling in one corner of the room while you remember the last conversation you had with this person. You would look at yourself in the mirror and notice all the wonderful aura this feeling has given you. From the child-like sleep you have had for the past days to the glowing aura as exhibited by smiles and all that positive attitude. 

Everything seems to be lighter, brighter and happier with that person on your mind. 

Then suddenly, earthquakes come and would shake what you thought was perfect. All you had in your mind become blurry and uncertain. You suddenly become cold as you sit alone and think about the unfortunate future you thought to be. Everything became nothing. 

Nothing.

The picture becomes stained with lines and shapes that was't there. The earthquake shook the wall, made the picture fall on the ground and was pierced with an arrow that was not known. All of a sudden, you would feel pathetic and like garbage. You felt that what you thought was grand but then again, nothing escapes the wrath of an earthquake. Now you see yourself dusted with the ruble that collapsed from the unexpected tremor.

Helpless. 

Now, your friends would ask of what happen but then all the pride would fill you up in the inside and you would try your best to brush it off with teary eyes. Ironically, you are now hiding all the bad stuff. All the feelings of happiness you had inside became too dull and too dark that the color wheel won't have any definition of the shade it had. Everything was just ...just.... nothing. 

How would you feel?!

Do not expect?!

Have you talked to your heart before? 

Was it even helpful? 

It talked back right?

Now, all that sober feeling was just fucked up feelings of loneliness which in turn became expectations from people who you thought was different. Expectations of happiness that turned into sharp daggers that hurt you not from behind but right in your face. #FML