With the past relationships I had, I can say that at some point I was hurt in a sense that it made me stop feeling the feeling of being loved. Instead, it made me numb inside and didn't entertain the total feeling of "jumping" off the cliff (a.k.a. going in a relationship). It didn't bother me at all to know that my friends are tying the knot, going into a new life with someone new, and or just saying how happy they are in what they have now. I am happy for them and hoped for the best to all of them.
Suddenly, I felt this emptiness inside. The small gap between happiness and sadness that really makes a difference glistened and caught my attention. It made me realize that I was alone. Yes, I have friends and a great family behind me but still that small gap could tell that the picture is still not complete. It lacked a small piece; a small detail that can make a real difference of a picture of me that's smiling from the heart.
Looking back, I closed this door. My heart was tired and hurt enough to feel that "kilig" moment. It reached its limit to understanding and giving the so called "benefit of the doubt". I was bitter, sour, angry and cold all at the same time. I was making myself as solid as an ice sculpture. Transparent, unique yet cold and fragile. Encountered people yet decided to place a bar between the idea of settling down and just playing around. Like I said, I was really numb.
That numbness reached to the point that I was brushing off people that really cared about me. I was neglecting them because I focused too much on myself. I was being the selfish nut that wanted everything to himself. I never entertained the feeling of being someone else's reason to smile. I looked at it as impossible for me. But then, I realized that I was wrong.
"When I got to know you, it wasn't something special. You treated me like a good friend and I reciprocated with respect and mature understanding. You never judged me for the things I did and have always listened to all the dramas I have. You asked me for advice and shared the blessings you have with me. You were there when others were not for me and I have come to notice that you are someone special and you ought to know this."
These words were always playing in my mind during the times when we were together and I never thought that I would be writing about it here on my blog. I guess it's about time for me to face the music and say what I really feel. To stop pretending and be real; it's time for me to become human again.
I have done something stupid and I am really sorry for that. I can't blame you for reacting that way because what I did was plain stupid. I know I could have done better and I ask for you to give me a chance. Those moments were special to me. The warmth, the patience and the silence was just memorable and unforgettable. I hope it was the same for you.
You asked me to consider to open the door again. And now, I am opening it.
Thank you very much because you were there to make me realize what I was missing in my life.
I wish you can read this with all heart.
Here goes my "YAKAP" to you.
I am just here. :) Thank you and I'm sorry.
Suddenly, I felt this emptiness inside. The small gap between happiness and sadness that really makes a difference glistened and caught my attention. It made me realize that I was alone. Yes, I have friends and a great family behind me but still that small gap could tell that the picture is still not complete. It lacked a small piece; a small detail that can make a real difference of a picture of me that's smiling from the heart.
Looking back, I closed this door. My heart was tired and hurt enough to feel that "kilig" moment. It reached its limit to understanding and giving the so called "benefit of the doubt". I was bitter, sour, angry and cold all at the same time. I was making myself as solid as an ice sculpture. Transparent, unique yet cold and fragile. Encountered people yet decided to place a bar between the idea of settling down and just playing around. Like I said, I was really numb.
That numbness reached to the point that I was brushing off people that really cared about me. I was neglecting them because I focused too much on myself. I was being the selfish nut that wanted everything to himself. I never entertained the feeling of being someone else's reason to smile. I looked at it as impossible for me. But then, I realized that I was wrong.
"When I got to know you, it wasn't something special. You treated me like a good friend and I reciprocated with respect and mature understanding. You never judged me for the things I did and have always listened to all the dramas I have. You asked me for advice and shared the blessings you have with me. You were there when others were not for me and I have come to notice that you are someone special and you ought to know this."
These words were always playing in my mind during the times when we were together and I never thought that I would be writing about it here on my blog. I guess it's about time for me to face the music and say what I really feel. To stop pretending and be real; it's time for me to become human again.
I have done something stupid and I am really sorry for that. I can't blame you for reacting that way because what I did was plain stupid. I know I could have done better and I ask for you to give me a chance. Those moments were special to me. The warmth, the patience and the silence was just memorable and unforgettable. I hope it was the same for you.
You asked me to consider to open the door again. And now, I am opening it.
Thank you very much because you were there to make me realize what I was missing in my life.
I wish you can read this with all heart.
Here goes my "YAKAP" to you.
I am just here. :) Thank you and I'm sorry.
HANOTO
ReplyDeletesino ulit toh?!
Deleteits something.,.. :)
ReplyDeleteansabeh...
ReplyDeletesino ba toh?
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