Almost every year I make a reflection of the life I have lived. I count the milestones, joys and sorrows. I also count the lessons and the difficulties I have encountered. So much for being a frustrated writer and journalist, I have come to make use of these frustrations in order for me to vent out my feelings and emotions in an acceptable way. More so with my choice not to drink anymore (although I still do), I make it a point that these emotions will produce me a good product at the end of its peak.
2013 was a good year to me. Well I have survived it and is alive to write about it now. But nearing the end of that year, things got bitter sweet. I got to spend my vacation in Cebu and spent the Christmas with my family and friends: this was the sweet part.
The bitter part is that me and some of my friends have become strangers to each other. I guess its about time for us to move on and become who we choose to be and who we choose to be with. It was really painful to leave that part of my life as marked but life is always like this. You just have to make a choice and I choose to be happy. If there are things that bring me down or even make me think twice, I would rather have nothing at all and be happy with other things than have everything but really in doubt.
Today, I decided to write about it just to let my soul breathe.
People have called me names before thinking that I am pretending and not being the true person that I am. On the contrary, I am who they think they want me to be. I grew up to be a "people-pleaser" which makes me a person that changes depending on who I am with. Its not about being pretentious but being agreeable. But at some angles, there are things that I cannot agree with. This makes me the person that they don't understand. It doesn't mean that I am agreeable I am all for it. Not to the point that they would humiliate me.
With respect to what they prefer as a friend, secrecy for me is a big thing. Trust is so precious that I have been a victim of it being lost a lot of times. And there is a fine line between friends and family. I guess you would agree with me when I would say that there are things that your friends don't need to know and so goes with your family. We all have skeletons in our closets and I think that if people would invade them or even publish them, we will surely feel violated and personally offended. For sure, I would take offence (and I took offence-YES! It is for me unforgivable).
2014 was a great start for me. I found new friends. Well, technically I knew them already; I just didn't know that they were there for a good reason. They were the people who caught me when I fell. Good thing I wasn't closing my eyes this time. Most of the time that I fell, I would close my eyes and not bother seeing who pushed me. I guess the acrophobiac in me was kicking in.
To those few who caught me, words are never enough to express how thankful I am. The "Give them the benefit of the doubt"-person in me was just so feeling it that I didn't notice the dangers it brought me. Then I suddenly realized that everything around me was telling me not to. The messages, the time, the weather and even the taxis were not cooperating. That was the last straw. Not anymore, this is sure.
To those who learned to never stop doubting me, I am thankful of the times we have spent together. I know that they were memorable to all of us. I never imagined it to end like this but trust me, I enjoyed it. Of course, there are disagreements, indifferences and I have learned to respect it. I guess we don't see how the sun looks like as we used to anymore. Indeed, things change and for me, it really had. I have changed - for the better.
To everyone who has loved me for who I am, I feel the same love for all of you. You never changed me to be the person you demand me to be but instead, you have embraced my personality and have loved me for whatever and whoever you see me as. You are my family and I will always be loving you no matter what.
Now, its time for me to start anew. A new beginning for everything.
This is not another book but is just another chapter.
-Donitoh
God bless us all! :)
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