Is this the end?

Ive always dreamt to have someone who is proud of me; who understands why i am like this; a person that brings the best in me and accepts me at my worst. These dreams will always be on the list of characters of someone who i want to spend my life with. Getting married is optional but having a life- partner with this understanding of me is essential. 

Getting to know you has been quite a ride. And in the process, i got to know myself - hardcore. 

I never expected myself to be secretive, to be insanely jealous and paraniod. I have a hard time trusting and in this relationship - it has taught me to hold on to what my heart beats for. Thats you. 

It has made me sick when you don’t reply or answer my calls. It brings all the posibilities of you cheating in front of my eyes and i somehow - blurr out and throw up. Remember when i threw up for the whole day? It made me feel like im an escape. An option. Sleepless nights and kkendless denials resulted from these doubts. 

When we talked about how I felt, i mentioned to you that i know the “market” and can easily connect the dots. Some cues are blurry but somehow relate to each other. The picture may not be clear but the feelings were real. Im jealous. Im clueless. 

I dont know you entirely. And this breaks my heart because i make myself doubt if what i feel is right when it comes to you. 

You have people in your life that somehow i think i would never get to know. People who are on the other side of your life. People that make you smile; laugh and cry. I understand the secrets but i dont get the darkness. I can be invisible but not blind. I feel i am being blind folded in a small closed box.

Everyday is a battle of holding on or letting go. But still i choose to hold on to what makes me happy - and thats you. This battle will never end but just so you know, you are worth fighting for. 

My world is different from your world. But somehow it makes me feel bad knowing that I can’t enter your world. It makes me question my existence in your life - in your real life. Im being shun in the shadows of a world that doesn’t welcome me - world that you live in and it hurts as you have become my world. 

I can’t force myself to be part of that world that’s why it’s a constant battle. Im telling you this as you ought to know. This battle will end but the shots have been fired. Thank God we didn’t talk about this in the other Starbucks as i can imagine myself crying while telling you this. 

Im not letting go but im telling you the grip is getting painful. Most of the time, its not what you say that hurts me. Its what you do that tips me off. And the silence, empty stares, dull hugs and cold kisses pushes me away from the beautiful picture that we started to paint. 

Ghost

Dating has been a world for me that i never conquered. I have been rejected, rejected and rejected to a number that I cannot even remember counting to. Since 2010, I have never been in a relationship nor have dated someone that i could say that it could lead to something - but this doesn't mean that I do not see what happens in one. 

In my world, being in a relationship raises eyebrows. One can be judged and even be questioned for choices that you have to make. It will never be an easy world but I suppose that being in a strong partnership - things will be lighter than the usual. 

Understanding is key - not just to one self but of course - each other. This goes a long way but of course - has a limit. 

Not all things can be freed by understanding. Too much of it causes a stir; creates questions and probably will start a problem. 

In this world (and in this region of the world), being invisible about the relationship is a key element. One has to be stealth-like to carry a relationship being questioned by religion, morality and the norm. 

But - does being invisible to your significant other's world count?

  

Dubai Life as I Lived It.

Preface

It took me a simple “YES” on having to take a chance of working abroad.

Somehow life was quite a challenge when I got my ass here in Dubai.

2011 – I got here with my sister’s help and my mom’s persuasion on making me work abroad. I was 23 years old but was never a newbie to be considered part of the work force. Since graduating, I have been working. Although I have some bits and gaps in between, me working was never news to people who knew me.

What I'd tell my younger self. #DonitohShares

Looking at my life right now, I have come to notice that there are some things that I should have done when I was younger. I could have done this; could have done that. The what ifs and what nots are falling in line and I have a lot of thoughts about what I could have done about them.

#DonitohShares 

So here are the things I would like to tell my younger self. 

Education: You are a gifted kid. You have a good grasp at information and have the enthusiasm of a child in nursery. You have great listening skills and also have a good share at good story telling. You are creative and will always be aiming for the best. You may not have all the recognition you deserve but remember that people will always have confidence in you. Do not lose the enthusiasm to learn and discover. Be confident that you have the brain because you are filled with ideas. 

Social Life: You are a friendly person and even as a kid, you always had friends. You have been to homes of your friends and have showed people of how behaved you are. You gained their trust effortlessly and you have showed that you are worthy of that trust. You have done great as a kid. I am impressed with your social skills even if you preferred to stay in the back seat. As you grow, never lose contact with them. Always reach out and never let a day pass without sending them a little "Hi" from time to time. 

Performing: You dance like crazy and would feel sickly if a day passed by without even thinking about it. The stage is your heaven; it keeps you beating. It makes you smile and glow from the inside. Never stop performing because you love it. You love performing and should never say no to the calling stage. You are special and you deserve the spotlight. Share the gift that God has given you because you are talented. 

Ambition: You always wanted to be a Doctor. You have your way of healing and helping people. You may not up end up as a doctor but remember that your gift of listening helps the people around you. Share your optimism and be a light to someone's life. Make everyone smile and you can heal the world by this simple and special way. Never change that sunny disposition in life and continue to be the breath of fresh air that you are. 

Family: You are the family's only son yet you were never demanding of attention and a problem. As a kid you are responsible and is evident of how you have been a leader in school. You may not agree with your sisters entirely but you always give in to what they want. You always find a way to make them smile and have always been considerate. Never change on how you prioritize your family. Keep them as your priceless treasures and would always be first. 

Faith: You never failed to reflect on the things that you have been doing. Whether it be by morals or by faith, you always have a time to give your self a check. You take a break and see the whole picture. Do not let that flame of faith go out. Never let down your guard on the your faith and on the things that have made you morally aligned. Stand by your God and always be faithful.  

Amato by Furne One - Fashion Forward Season 5

Imagine a show that unravels into a theatrical array of crystals, top hats, goth and denim...

This was the total feel of the last show for the fifth season of Fashion Forward Dubai. Filipino designer, Furne One showcased his newest collection inspired by the goth of the black and white theatre, the Steam-punk era, the femininity of crystals and the versatility of denim. Yes, you read it right - it featured couture pieces in denim. 

When the show started, I was confused on the material being used by Amato this season. Until the denim hit me hard and I was at awe. Denim is not an easy material to handle and to have these designs plus the couture work into it is just perfection. 

A powerful woman opened a show in a 2 piece denim suit, embellished with crystals and bead with a very interesting front pattern. 

I dont know if it was how the denim was made or some were acid washed but the total aesthetic was achieved ans spot on: Steam-punk meets Gothic Haute Couture. 

This one is my favorite piece as the red crystals definitely shined on the denim. The cut of the dress was also elegant and very feminine.  

Amato never gave in into the extravagant and loud cuts and fabrics. The focus was on the the intricate details that were beyond words to explain. Crystals and beads that were arranged in a way that you never thought was possible with the help of common sewing materials. 

Crystals and shiny beads accentuate the denim pieces that bought then to the highest place ever:
FASHION HEAVEN

Furne One's vision and creativity has never failed audiences around the world. Its workmanship and its uniqueness has gained him attention not just in the fashion industry but as well as the music and movie industry. 

Lights dimmed and the moon turned red when the final model walked out. Everyone was blown-away by the sparkling red details of the dress contrasting the hard acid washed denim made into a beautiful, fantasy-like ensemble. 

Amato's theatrics and over-all aesthetic has always been spot on and very modern. Though his references were mostly unimaginable, he never fails to interpret them in his signature way: Haute Couture. 

Amato by Furne One has always been a name associated with the fabulous Fashion Forward and will never cease to be greater and bigger. 

Three words: Unimaginable - Mesmerizing - Amato. 

-Donitoh

Credits for the owners of the photos via Instagram with the hashtag: #FFWDDXB #Amato #FurneOne