I have so much in my head but I don't know where to start.
I guess this is the feeling when you really don't know what is happening with your life. When you feel suddenly disconnected to the world you were in for the past years. It goes to show that I was living in my comfort zone. Now that a month has passed where I was alone, I lost weight, my eating patterns have changed and I have become someone i was not comfortable with. I am not going insane or something but i guess this is how other people feel - living alone.
Being alone was not something i am very good at. I honestly cannot live with myself. Well, I am not living alone in an apartment. I have room mates. But the sociable me went away. I don't know what happen. I have become isolated and quiet. My best friend was my laptop, cellphone and the internet. Yes i talk to my room mates and laugh with them but I was not feeling the same me. I am not sure if i have changed but it feels different.
There are things that i think of that i don't ever think of before. Is this what growing up is? It sucks. Before I was so ready to be a grown up but then now, I wish I was a child again. No responsibilities, no work, no bills - no nothing. Just school, play and sleep.
Living alone for a month at 26 years old is an achievement for me. I am looking at a different thing right now. It is hard but it is something i am very proud of. That time when you see your family for dinner is just precious. It is special. Priceless.
Looking at the laundry, checking the cupboard if food is still there. trying to balance the budget for the bills, personal stuff and the other payments I have to make. All these are new to me. But I am getting the hang of it. There are hopeless moments but I just live with them. But alas, God is always there. I am a blessed kid.
Now what am i trying to say?
I guess i just want to feel.
I lost myself again.
