I already made a blog last year about one of the greatest woman in my life, my Mama. It was more of a story of how things go for the both of us given that I was her only son and the middle child (and yes, the "middle child thing" applies for me).
One year has passed and at some point I have lost the felling of messaging her on a daily basis. There is no problem on how I can contact her because internet is always there (and take note: I would die if the internet was gone). The only bump is that, I don't want to think about it that much. I guess messaging her everyday would lead me to missing her more and more. It's not that I don't like missing her (because I REALLY MISS HER), it's just taking a lot of space in my mind and I'm sure she gets what I mean.
A few weeks ago, I decided to message her on a random day. I felt like saying something sweet to her that time. She was online on Facebook and sent her a simple short message:
"Hello mama! I miss you! :)"
After a few seconds she replied with this message:
"I also miss you so much! Not just just you but also your sister!"
Then, I replied with:
"JOKE! :P "
And the conversation turned into laughter.
Little did I know that those giggles in our chat script hid the tears she shed for missing both of us so much. While we were chatting, she confessed that she was laughing with tears for missing us and it made me all mushy inside. I even posted it as a status on Facebook and of course, my friends and family who knew what my mom and I have in a mom-son relationship liked it.
I don't want to make this long because for sure, she will be so bored reading this (I'm only joking Mama!).
So here goes the three phrases for My Mama.
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"I'm sorry"
You said that while I was a child, never had a huge problem with me. I was obedient and basically just follows what you tell me to do(I was a robot I guess).
Growing up, I changed and I am sure that I have brought you disappointments and heartaches. I know that my reasoning have hurt you a lot of times and I am very sorry for all those things I have done and words I have said to hurt you. I also want you to know that every time you cry in front of me for the things I did, it makes me an insomniac. I can't sleep thinking that I made you cry (I also hope that you will not use this to always make me give in to your request - LOL).
At the moment Mama, there are many things that I really want to tell you and I want to say sorry for not talking to you about it. I guess I just want to have time for myself here in Dubai and spend it with Ate Joyce.
Mama, please forgive me for everything that I have done that made you cry. I am sorry.
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"Thank you"
I have said in my previous blog that you have done and sacrificed a lot of things for us. You have made us feel that everything was okey even if it wasn't and showed us how to be resilient in times of trouble. You have made us into God-fearing and Law abiding citizens with your actions and people see this in us. You have created a person in us that is strong and mushy all at the same time. You have turned us into the perfect chocolate chip-oatmeal cookies! Crunchy in the outside, moist in the inside!
Thank you for making us realize what blessings we have and what we can do to share it with everyone. You may not be verbally supportive of the things I did but I'm sure that inside, you are always making a silent prayer for me.
For all the things you taught us, showed us, made us feel, sacrificed, gave us, cooked for us, loving us, taking care of us, and giving life to the three of us - I am very thankful. These words are merely understatements of how thankful I am for having you as my Mama and I am sure that these things will continue as I live in this world.
Thank you very much.
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"I love you"
With all the challenges, short-comings and happy moments we have been through, I am sure that the last phrase won't be enough to seal all this. Given a chance to be there just for this day and spend it with you while watching TV in our living room, I would grab it for anything in the world.
Mama, the distance between us made me realize that I am strong and weak all at the same time. But your love for me made me grounded and secured me that all the things I have done was because of the values you taught me.
I remember back in college when I was about to have my In-house review. I sent you a text message saying that we were already on the way to the retreat house and were passing through our area. In the text, I said "I love you" just to make it sweet. but you replied with "Okey! Take care!"
I guess I told you that I was so pissed off that you didn't say "I love you" back. I even replied asking if you read the "I love you" part of the message and made sure that I was not your "barkada" but your SON. Every time I share this with my friends, they laugh and imagine how you would smile and smirk at the "boo-boo" you made in sending your reply. just for the record, you replied like this: "Ahw! - hehe. love you too!"
Mama, I hope you know how much I love you. Not just me but also Ate Joyce and Carmie. We would do everything and anything in our capacity just to make sure you have that warm smile in your face always and laugh your heart out in our crazy moments. Like I said, these words are not enough to tell you how much I love you but I know inside, you feel all the love from me and Ate Joyce even with our distance.
Happy Mother's Day Mama Alma!
xoxo
